So, He's Going to be a Big Brother!

by Elizabeth Brautigan

One of the most exciting (and frightening) things a little boy can hear is "You are going to be a Big Brother." It's exciting because he likes the idea of having a tiny little person that's "his" little brother or little sister that he can protect and play with. In his mind he's thinking "Hmmm, like my X-men doll, only it cries." And it's frightening because invariably he will begin thinking about what will happen to him. Will mommy and daddy still love him as much? Will they still pay attention to him? What role in the household will he play?

One of the most important things parents can do to ease the feelings of the child during the pregnancy is to keep them involved. No matter what the age, the brother can be asked for input on how the nursery should be decorated (Do you think your baby brother would like Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse?), on clothes and various other baby related purchases. When the big brother is part of the process, his fear of being ignored will begin to ease. Of course, once the younger child reaches the age of ten or twelve, the opinions of the older sibling are no longer as welcome or appreciated. But that's a different article altogether.

The second thing that parents can do is to help define the role that the older sibling will take. This role will vary somewhat depending on the age of the older sibling. Even if the "big brother" is just a couple of years older, there are many things that he can be told the parent will need "help" with. For instance, giving baby a bath can mean a lot of things. Obviously, a two year old can't give the baby a bath solo, but can certainly stand right by mom and assist by handing her all the items she'll need. Or during bottle time, he can become the official "temperature" tester to make sure that the formula isn't too hot or too cold. One of the most wonderful "involvement" techniques that have been used is that of the "official story teller" which has double rewards. Obviously, the baby will benefit from being read to, but the older brother will also improve his reading skills as well as feel pride in his "official" role.

A wonderful item that we think will help the older sibling feel "needed" is the "Big Brother's on Duty" Tool Belt. Picture a canvas tool belt with the words "Big Brother's On Duty" embroidered in blue across the front, and tucked into the belt are all the items a big brother would need to help give baby a bath - baby wash, baby shampoo, washcloth, powder, a baby bath toy and even a couple of treats for the big brother himself. A great time to present this is at the baby shower. While he's watching mom open up all the great gifts for baby, if mom comes across a gift especially for the Big Brother, he'll fell extra special. A Big Sister's on Duty belt is also available.